Reflection.

We have had an amazing Christmas.
Part 1 was in Houston with my Sister, Bro-IL, Nephew, Brother, and Dad.
Part 2 was with Andy's extended paternal side of the family.
Part 3 was our very own Christmas at home with Cam.
Part 4 was with my Mom, Sister, and Niece.
Part 5 was with Andy's extended maternal side of the family.
Tomorrow holds Part 6 - A's immediate family.

We have spent a lot of quality time with our loved ones.
There has been a lot of laughter, a lot of catching up.
Camy has received a lot of amazing gifts, as have Andy and I.
It's been happy and fun and magical.. I just love experiencing Christmas as a parent, making memories with my sweet daughter.

And just as with the last 2 years, I always find myself reflecting on Christmases past.
Namely, Christmas 2008.
Where right now, this time 3 years ago, we were feeling rather sorry for ourselves for what we were certain was yet another failed TTC cycle.
We were at the movies with my sisters and BIL, watching Marley & Me, probably crying.
I was half-drunk, as I had been the entire day after waking up to a drastic temp drop.

It wasn't until around 10pm, back from the movie, that our lives changed forever.
That on a whim, I took a pregnancy test fully expecting to see only one line.
I took the test, set it down, and walked away.
I returned a few minutes later to toss it in the trash, and saw the 2 lines.
I screamed for Andy, I cried, I may or may not have jumped up and down and all around.
My life forever changed in that moment.
Christmases will never be the same.

I have my precious gift, sitting on my lap right now, watching a Christmas short movie on TV.
Boxes and wrapping paper in every corner of our home, new toys strewn about... in various stages of being unpacked, a 5 foot tall Color-Me Playhouse taking up the majority of our living room rug....

These are the types of Christmases I never knew I always wanted.
Christmas celebrations from the Mommy Perspective? They're the best.
Listening to my Bean sing "Dingle Bells", watching her rearrange the ornaments on the tree and marveling at the beautiful lights.. dressing her in a big, pouffy dress with tights and sparkly shoes... hearing her exclaim "Meeeewwy Kiss-mas!" to everyone she loves.
Magical.
Simply magical.

3 years ago, we found out we were expecting our first.
2 years ago, we celebrated our first daughter's first Christmas.
1 year ago, we watched her truly experience Christmas for the first time (you know, being actually alert and not a sleepy 4 month old).
This year, we taught her about Christmas, had conversations with her about trees and lights and giving and love.. we sang songs with her, she opened her own gifts, she loved every minute.
Christmas just keeps getting better every year.
I love it.

I hope you had a wonderful day with your family.
I hope you found as much magic in the holiday as we did.
I hope you have a year full of peace and love.
Merry Christmas.

Finally Sitting Still.

This week absolutely knocked me on my butt.
Chewed me up, and spit me out.
It was terrible from start to finish, but I made it out alive.
And you know how?

This girl.

And her "You're my best friend"s and her "I. Love. YOU!!!"s and her "Just snuggle with me, Mommy."s. 

After all the crazy this week had in store, Cam and I just chilled all day today.

We sat around in our PJs, watched movies, put puzzles together.. just relaxed, her and I.

And it was wonderful.

Camy's Nana and Papa took us out for dinner (hooray for not having to cook or clean kitchens!) then we drove around to find fun Christmas light displays.

We stopped at the city tree, all lit up from the ground up... and Cam loved it. 

Sadly, we didn't have our real camera with us on account of the spontaneity, so this pic is a bit blurry..

But I kinda love it. 

Camy had such a ball running around that tree, and climbing in that sleigh.
I think we might take her back tomorrow with the camera in tow to see what kind of magic we can capture on film card. 

7 days until Christmas.... 

Are you ready?

5 more gifts to buy for us, then we're done.

And I cannot wait for Christmas morning this year... seeing Cam's excitement, hearing her (now verbal) reactions to the gifts under the tree, watching family love and dote on her as much as we do everyday. I seriously can. not. wait!

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Oh, Oh.... andplusalso.... Camy's heart is totally fine. She does have a 1mm hole between the 2 ventricles (called Ventricular Septal Defect), but it is totally functional and should close on its own by her 4th birthday. We'll follow up with the cardiologist then, repeating the 2 tests that were performed, just to be sure.

First they did an EKG that went a little something like this:

And then an echocardiogram, that went like this:

We were there for nearly 3 hours, start to finish, and Cam rocked it out. 

I, of course, was beyond relieved that we have nothing to worry about! I am so so happy we got in as soon as we did, and got the all-clear! Whew!!!

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Now, its off to bed with my little Cam-A-Lam.

G'night.

Things My Camy Says...

This little girl cracks me up every. single. day.
I love the things she comes up with, and the way she articulates herself.
I love this age and how conversational she has become.

Here are just a few things she says or has said that I would like to remember always...


She loves pretending to call people, she will look up to the sky and ponder out loud who she needs to call, and she usually starts with her Nona. The conversations always go like this..
"Hello Nona! What you doin'? Good? Oh, ok. Bye!"
Then she'll think of who else to call and repeat the convo word for word.
And there are no pauses in between phrases, it's all rapid fire.
I love it. I will just sit there and watch her go through her mental contact list, having the same conversation with everyone she loves!
______
Yesterday morning she heard me making coffee in the kitchen and promptly turned to her Daddy and said, "Mommy gettin' her coffee... Daddy, where's your beer?" He laughed and informed her that he doesn't drink beer in the mornings...
______
When eating pierogies with dinner, she asked for more "pugeroni" which was both adorable and slightly disturbing.
______
Dora the Explorer is "Dora the Escabula", no matter how many times we try to correct her.
______
If I ask Camy for a hug, as soon as I start to give her a squeeze, she'll say "I the best!". Guess she's been paying attention the last two years, picking up on all the times I tell her she is, in fact, the best.
______
One morning last week, I couldn't find my phone when we needed to leave for school. After several minutes of searching, Camy found it. I told her she was the best (see, I tell her all the time) and her reply was "Yeah, I your girl!" I melted. And squeezed her.
______
If she wants her bop and I won't give it to her, she will let me know that she is "not a big girl right now"... so all the "babies use bops, big girls don't" talk is getting through, just not in the way I intended.
______
One of her toddler teachers coined the nickname "Cama-Lama-Ding-Dong" and it has caught on with everyone we know, it seems. The only bad thing about it being in such wide rotation is now when she hears her full name, she corrects whoever is speaking by saying "No! My name is Cama-Ding-Dong!" Oops.
______



This little girl. I just adore her.
:)

Catch Up and a Kiss-Mas Twee.

I seriously stink at updating this thing these days.
Something about having a 2 year old and a full time job, and laundry and dishes and take-home work... oy.

But here I am.
Let's get caught up.

To follow up on the allergy post I wrote forever ago, her lab results came back with a very high number for peanuts (14.4), putting her at a Level 3 allergy and at the top of the chart, greater than 95% chance of anaphylaxis. Her tree nut scores were much lower, but still considered a Level 2 allergy (out of 6 levels, where 3-6 are considered severe). We will repeat the blood test every year to see where her numbers go.

In other news, Camy is now fully daytime potty trained, but wearing a pull-up a night because this mama isn't ready for that battle quite yet. I can't even remember the last time she had an accident at school (knock on wood) and the accidents at home are becoming fewer and farther between. Yay!

She is sleeping in her room by herself now, finally. It took a little nudge from our therapist (oh yeah.. therapy, more on that in a minute).. but we finally bit the bullet, cut the cord, whatever you want to call it. Andy and I both lay down with her for bedtime, then when she's asleep, we leave the room. The first couple weeks, she woke up in the middle of the night and either called for us over the monitor or just walked to our room.. but more recently, she's been doing really well about staying in her room/bed til morning. Our next goal, of course, is to get her to actually go to sleep on her own. But that transition will be a much harder one... for her AND for me. We'll get there eventually.

Girl is talking up a storm and her imagination has really developed over the last month or two. It is so fun and just amazing to watch her play now. I love to see and hear the things she comes up with, and most of the time, she has me (or anyone around her) belly-laughing from the crazy things she says.

Her asthma had been doing really well for a long time, but with the colder air that's blown in, it's been a bit harder to manage. I am really worried going into cold & flu season this year, because anytime she catches anything, her breathing gets all cuckoo. Like this week, where a simple cold basically knocked her on her butt.. had her waking at all hours of the night, coughing and wheezing and needing neb treatments. :sigh: My poor girl.
We took her in to see her pedi Friday morning just to make sure this cold wasn't something more, and unfortunately, while we were there, her dr picked up a heart murmur. It is most likely a "functional" heart murmur, meaning essentially harmless.. but we were referred to a pediatric cardiologist to follow up. We have that appt Wednesday morning.
Even though I know she will be fine and that its probably nothing, I had a bit of a breakdown on our way home from the doctor. I mean, this poor girl... she has been seeing specialists nearly her entire life. Dermatologist for the terrible skin problems she had in infancy, allergist for her food allergies, and now a cardiologist for her heart. She's seen the inside of ER exam rooms more times than I count, had 3 chest xrays in her short 2 years, skin tests, blood tests, breathing treatments... we have to carry a med-pouch with us everywhere we go with benadryl, epi-pens, an oximeter, and an inhaler. I mean, really?!
I am so so so thankful that she is as healthy as she is.. Lord knows things could be much much worse, but my heart still breaks for her and all she's had to go through. I'm ready for to have a break. I wish we could go a year, or heck, even six months without a specialist appointment for her.

And the last little update.. Andy and I are in marriage counseling. About 2 months ago we hit a breaking point where we both realized that we have been far too disconnected for far too long. We don't want Camy to grow up with parents who basically live as roommates, we want to set a good example for her on what a loving relationship looks like. We want her to grow up in a happy home. So we started therapy and its been wonderful, albeit difficult at times. Things have improved dramatically over the last couple months, and I am so glad we both agreed to take that step for our family.

So, there ya have it. All caught up.. at least on the big stuff.
Now, I will (once again) vow to do better about blogging. I need to.. there are so many things happening with Cam that I want to remember forever. Little things like funny stories she tells, big things like potty training and independent sleeping.. and everything in between. I need to do better about blogging, for myself. So... I will. Even if its just a quick weekly recap.

Before I go, what's a post without a pic or five?
Last night before bed, Cam spent a few minutes marveling at the Christmas tree, all lit up in the dark.
I happened to still have the camera out from earlier in the day, and thank goodness it was handy, or I would have missed this shot:

She said she needed to hug her "kiss-mas twee" good night, and she did.. while telling the "twee" that she looooved it. {favorite. picture. ever.}

She was examining ornaments...

Just taking it all in.

Rehanging one that she felt should be moved...

And, oh, those chubby little fingers. 

I die.

Experiencing the holidays with a child is a magical. And it just gets better every year.